Hilchos Television

Hilchos Television Author's Preface: This book must not be used as a guide to practical Halochoh. I am not a qualified posek. I failed the bar exam. I do not even have a driver's license. The sole purpose of this work is to provide a basic understanding of the halochic issues relating to owning and using the television, and to convince my father-in-law that it was worth supporting me in kollel for the last 23 years. All halochic questions should be brought to a reader's local, qualified machmir. I want to acknowledge my gratitude to Hashem Yisborach, to my wife Chashie, to my children Bini, Pini, Minnie, Mashie, Bashie, Rashie, Ushi, Chushi and Harold. And to the one who instilled in me the love of television, Captain Kangaroo. I. Definition of Television
a) The Halochoh defines television as any instrument which receives an audio and video signal, with a screen to display the video transmission and a speaker to amplify the sound. According to Rav Hai Gaon, an electrical supply is part of the definition of television (a so-called Hai-Definition television).
b) The Urim V'Tumim is believed to have resembled a television, though it appears to have lacked a remote.
c) The Medrash says that Odom Harishon knew everything, obviously including how to invent a television.
d) In the days of Moshiach, everyone who wants a television will own one, there will be no commercials, and all weather forecasts will be accurate.

II. Owning a Television
a) It is an Issur D'Oraisa to own a television according to most authorities. Some say it is an Issur D'Rabbonon. All agree that owning a television involves almost as many Issurim as speaking Loshon Hora.
b) Owning a television that is broken is permitted, provided the insides have been removed, replaced with potting soil, and the television is used as a planter. A Ba'al Nefesh will refrain from this practice.
c) One who borrows a television for more than thirty days is considered as one who owns it, even if it is later returned. Any loan of a television is canceled at the Yovel, along with magical objects, under the principle of Shemitos Keshafim. This principle will not apply on New Years' Day to a television tuned to the Sugar Bowl.
III. Getting Benefit (Hano'oh) from Television
a) It is prohibited to derive benefit from television. Don't even think about it.
IV. The Laws of B'rochos
a) It is required to recite a Shehechiyonu on a new television, some say at the time of purchase, some say at the time of watching it for the first time, some say at the first time of watching an entertaining and popular program that is not interrupted every five minutes by annoying commercials featuring furry animals, cute children or a talking carton of milk.
b) When hearing a B'rocho recited on television, one should respond “Omen," although this does not fulfill an obligation. When the B'rocho is recited by a Goyische actor with a lousy Hebrew accent, one should snicker derisively.

V. The Laws of Kashrus
a) One should not eat meat while dairy products are being advertised on television, lest one come to mix the two. It is preferable to wait six hours before watching a dairy advertisement. However, if the advertisement appears in between two non-dairy advertisements, it is considered Bottel B'Rov, unless the ad includes Tommy Lasorda or Tommy Lee Jones (in which case it is "Nosen Tom").
b) After eating meat, a pregnant woman with a craving for ice cream may watch an advertisement for Hagen-Dazs, but only if the reception is fuzzy.
c) One should not eat dairy while meat products are being advertised on television, unless one has just brushed one's teeth. An intervening toothpaste or mouthwash ad is also acceptable.
d) It is forbidden to derive Hano'oh from an advertisement for Bosor B'Cholov, such as a cheeseburger. When such an advertisement begins, one should immediately cover one's face, turn off the television and recite some Tehillim.
VI. The Laws of Tefiloh
a) It is forbidden to postpone prayer in order to watch a program on television. However, if one is already engaged in watching a program, in Eretz Yisroel you may delay prayer until the program is finished, while in Chutz Lo'Oretz you may delay until the first commercial.
b) It is permitted to Daven B'Yechidus in order to catch one's favorite sitcom, but only on Thursday nights.
c) When one's television is broken, one should pray for its speedy repair. It is permissible to engage in Hishtadlus and call a repairman. In the event the repairman actually shows up, it is proper to recite the B'rocho of She'Osoh Nissim.
VII. Talking During Television Watching
a) It is forbidden to engage in idle talk during a television program, because it would be a Hefsaik (interruption). If the speech is related to the watching (e. g. "Please pass the remote," or "Doesn't So-and-So make you nauseous?"), no Hefsaik occurs. Nevertheless, it is preferable to refrain from any speech, especially if the person sitting next to you threatens to "punch your lights out" if you say another word.
b) During commercials, conversation is not considered a Hefsaik. Nevertheless, one who is able to refrain from talking during commercials should do so. The story is told about the mother of a famous Gadol who was asked why she merited to give birth to a Torah giant. She said, "I never disturbed my husband during commercials, and I never paid retail."
VIII. The Laws of Shabbos
a) Before Shabbos one should unplug the television and cover it with a velvet Challoh cover, Li'Kovod Shabbos. There is a dispute whether it is required that the Challoh cover be encased in plastic.
b) If a young child accidentally turns on a television during Shabbos (Rochmonoh Lotzlon), it is vital to respond without causing additional Chilul Shabbos. The following things should be done (in order of preferability).
1. If there is an Eruv, move yourself and your family into a neighbor's house for the duration of Shabbos.
2. If there is no Eruv, one must avoid looking at the television, even unintentionally. Men should tip their hat brim over their eyes. Women should tip their sheitel forward over their eyes. Children should wrap long strips of cloth over their eyes.
3. If this is not possible, one should seek out a Gentile and indirectly ask him if there is anything good to watch on Friday nights.
IX. The Laws of Paisach
a) It is very difficult to clean a television for Paisach because of all the little holes in the back of the set. Therefore, many authorities require that one throw out one's televisions before Paisach and buy new ones for Paisach.
b) According to R. Blumenkrantz, a television should be cleaned for Paisach as follows: First, remove the back of the television by unscrewing the screws under the sticker that warns against removing the back of the set. Then use tweezers to remove the chumetz from the internal parts, such as the motherboard, and projection tubes. Wash the whole think in bleach and then reassemble. When that is done find nearby cliff and throw the set over the side like the Aza’zel.
c) One must not watch any chumetz on Paisach on the television. If chumetz is observed, you are chayav karets.
d) On Erev Paisach, it is also impermissible to watch chumetz, but if you do you are only chayav malkos arba’im. One must also not see matzos being eaten on Erev Paisach, so that the ta’am is fresh later that evening.
e) If chumetz is found on the set prior to shacharis on Erev Paisahc, one must burn the set along with the chumetz.
f) It is an Issur Ha’Rabbanim to watch television during the Saider. However, some modern poskim have held that it may be permissible to watch Cecil B. DeMille’s The Ten Commandments during Maggid, though one should, of couse, have edited their copy of the movie to exclude the love sequences.
g) Though it is not obligatory, it is considered proper to watch Mountain Dew commercials on the first day of Chol Hamo’ed, l’chovod T’philat Tal.